My life has been kinda confusing lately. Or rather, I realise that I get so annoyed so easily nowadays. I'm annoyed at myself. I keep thinking of a guy whom I don't even want/intend to have feelings for. Screw you, emotions. Honestly, I don't even know if I'll ever get into a serious relationship with anyone. I'm only 18 but every guy I've had feelings for...just weren't up to my expectations. PICKY BITCH HUH. The thought of being in one is frightening. I couldn't even commit to my past relationships because I was afraid of what people would say and how their comments would affect me. I should probably start caring less about what people think of me but it's not that easy. Been a walking insecure machine since the day I was born. I mean, who the hell cares about what strangers think of them? ME. Speaking of relationships, I think I always fall for the wrong guys. Seriously. I wish I could just turn off my emotions til I'm old and wise enough to control it. At the same time, I really want someone to hug me and tell me that they'll be there for me at all times. I don't know anymore. Maybe I just need to know that someone cares, as cliche as it may sound.

I'm feeling rather pissed off at the moment. For no particular reason. I just am....which is weird cos there should be a reason behind everything. Not for me I guess. Why am I so annoyed at everything. Everyone. I need someone to talk to. People at home are pissing me off. I should be happy. But I'm not.

Tuesday

Well...you obviously don't give a shit about me. Why am I even bothering. Why am I even affected by this? As always, I'll just blame it on my raging hormones. It's all part of growing up.

It sucks how I have such great expectations of people I just met and at the end of the day, I'll just be a disappointed potato. It's ok though, all's well. I'll learn to accept things the way they are now.

Confused

I'm not sure as to whether I like you or not. I don't know why I feel so jealous whenever it happens, but I just am. Life of a teenager with raging hormones.
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This week's been tolerable. We got to paint, that was pretty exciting.
...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day. I hope you're doing well up there, Mama. I really wish I have some memories of you. I love you.

Poly

It's so weird to know that I'm in poly already....TIME FLIES. One of my emo nemo days today sigh. I feel so bad for not being a reliable friend. Or maybe I'm just confused about what's going on in my life. Am I being too selfish? Hopefully not.

The first 2 weeks of school has been fine. My classmates are wonderful people and I hope that we'll stay as bonded as we already are at the moment. Poly is completely different from what I imagined it'd be like...much better to tell ya the truth. I thought that I'd be a loner in school, since I'm socially awkward and all. Thank God I met people who seem okay with my awkwardness and make me feel so welcomed in school.

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I hope you'll open up to me soon. Sorry I'm such an emotional beeyatch.

2013

I know it's already the 1st of February....but hey, happy new year!
Let's see.
My life is definitely not going how I planned it to. It's all due to my laziness and procrastination and all these DISTRACTIONS. Since O levels are over and I know what I'll be doing in the next 3 years, I wonder if I'll ever take matters into my own hands. I keep questioning myself from time to time: "Why didn't I start studying earlier?" and "Why are you such a lazy arse?"
I definitely knew what course I wanted ever since I was in primary school, which is mass comm. Heck, I knew how difficult it was to even ENTER that course since it's so popular amongst us teenagers. As years passed by, I started becoming complacent and thought: "Huh. I can sprint at the final stretch." I mean, I did study for my Os but at one point during the exams, I literally felt like giving up. Which I did, especially for science and POA.
At this point in time, I reconsidered all my options and decided to opt for culinary as my first few choices. I love baking and I do have experience in food & nutrition.
Imagine my disappointment when I found out that I missed that course by a mere point.
So here I am, hoping that the course they posted me to wouldn't be another reason to hate life.
Wish me luck x